All posts by mayibethemoon

When a ‘No’ feels like a win

I officially finished my job yesterday, meaning today I am officially out of work.

At this point I feel like I should be crazily job hunting and widening my search for work, but actually I am relaxed. I have options and I have time. I’d rather have the ‘right’ job than just any job.

Last week I had a preliminary interview for a job that on paper seemed like a brilliant opportunity. It was in  church youth work (my field) and included training at the local Bible college. The staff and elders from the church whom I met at the interview were all lovely, and friendly and put me at my ease as soon as I arrived. They asked all the right questions, and listened to my story without judgement. They appreciated and understood what I had gained from my life experiences and how that influenced my work. The answered all my questions with what I wanted and hoped to hear from potential employers, and from a church family. The church itself was a lovely building, recently refurbished, with great spaces and equipment for the youth work. In all it ticked nearly all of my boxes of what I’m looking for in a job.

But I left with the feeling that it wasn’t the right opportunity for me, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. When people asked, I said I wasn’t sure that the village location would suit me (I’ve realised now that I am definitely a city girl at heart) but there was more to it than that. It just didn’t feel right.

I had a call from the church leader in the evening after the pre-interview saying that they would be taking up references that week and shortlisting for the formal interviews and would be in touch at the end of the week. I thanked them and said that although I was still interested in the post but would appreciate having a few days to think about it.

In my heart I knew that I wouldn’t be taking the job, but practically in my head I told myself I needed to think more about it. Because, without a job lined up, could I really afford the luxury of turning down a job?

So as the week went by I grew more sure that I was making the right decision, but was really nervous that the church would call and offer me a formal interview and I would have to turn it down.

But when they called… the church leader said that they had really enjoyed meeting me, I came over really well in the pre-interview and ticked all the right boxes in terms of what they were looking for… but… as they had talked and prayed about it they felt sure that it wouldn’t be the right situation for me. I was so relieved, I was over the moon. I explained that I had been feeling the same way, that I was really impressed by everything I’d seen and heard but just knew it wasn’t right for me.

So here’s the thing. Here’s the takeaway – God knows what He is doing. And He tells us. We just have to listen. The Holy Spirit speaks to everyone and there are beautiful moments where what we think God is saying to us is confirmed through what He is saying to other people.

I may not know right now where I am headed next. I have ideas, and they are exciting and I am waiting to see how the opportunities in front of me play out… But I have no definite answers right now. But I have hope. God knows where I am going, and He is at work, behind the scenes, preparing the place for me.

I’ve given up making plans for the future. I have ideas, dreams of what I want for my life, and I know God has an amazing plan for me that will let me achieve those dreams to His glory.IMG_0034

“And I will lead the blind

in a way that they do not know,

in paths that they have not known

I will guide them.

I will turn the darkness before them into light,

the rough places into level ground.

These are the things I do,

and I do not forsake them”

Isaiah 42v16

Waiting (in memory of Gwen Pitt)

This is the poem I wrote for my Nan’s funeral two years ago. We still miss her, and all those who we have loved who are no longer with us. But we have hope that we will be reunited one day.

 

For you

The wait is over

The frail shell that held you here

Forgotten now as you run freely

Into the arms of the One who always loved you best

Welcomed with joy

Reunited with those who went before you

Celebrating a life well lived

Pain and suffering

Now just a fading memory

 

For us

Those who are left behind

It is harder

Our wait continues

We keep the memories

Bittersweet memories

Moments of joy

Tinged with the sadness

That you are no longer with us

 

One day

Our wait will be over too

On a day when all pain and sorrow

Will be at an end

We will meet again

 

Until then

We must press on

Trusting in Him for what awaits us

Knowing that you have joined the great cloud of witnesses

Cheering us on

 

Until that day

We wait

And say

Goodbye

For now

 

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Perseverance

Hebrews 12:1-2, Hebrews 11:1

 

Beautiful Sunset

When I’m going through times when everything seems to be really hard work, which happens often, these are my favourite verses to keep me going.

Faith is sometimes seen as something wishy-washy and insubstantial, a vague hope in something seemingly unbelievable, or just wishful thinking. But faith is something so powerful in these verses. Hebrews 11 is one of my favourite passages in the Bible because it shows the power of faith in God. Verse 1 says faith is “assurance” and “conviction”, other translations use “confidence”, “being sure” and “being certain”. Jesus, as always, is our example of what this means. Hebrews 12:1-2 says that Jesus “endured the cross” because of “the joy that was set before him”. He knew that better things were to come and that enabled Him to endure the pain and shame of death on a cross.

Knowing what Jesus endured makes facing anything I come up against seem a little easier, mostly because I know He is here to help me. I know God has promised good things for my future, and maybe I don’t see them yet or how they will happen, but I have faith to endure the time of waiting and the difficulties that come with it. Several things I have watched/read recently have quoted the old saying that “the night is darkest just before the dawn.” If you’re struggling, have faith – there is joy to come in the morning.

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures

He will my shield and portion be

As long as life endures

It is not me

It is not me

that has the plan

or needs the plan

I have dreams

Let me never settle

for less than Your dreams for me

Such big ideas

Of where I want to go

Of what I want my life to be

And You see that

Because they are dreams

which You gave me

But that’s what I love about You

You speak – things happen

Ideas into reality

Nothing becomes something

Not just something

Something AMAZING

You are not done yet

I am a work in progress

But Your Word always wins

You always know

What I need to hear

To keep me believing

 

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sometimes the fork in the road…

fork slotted spoon

… is really a slotted spoon.

A few years ago I got to a point in my life where I was at a fork in the road. I was trying to decide what to do next in my life, and I seemed to have several equally good options to pick from.

My question was: what does God want me to do?

Around that time I read this passage in Psalm 19 (Message):

“The revelation of God is whole

and pulls our lives together.

The signposts of God are clear

and point out the right road.

The life maps of God are right

showing the way to joy.

The directions of God are plain

and easy on the eyes”

So I drew the first picture, and felt a lot happier because God was going to clearly show me which path He wanted me to take.

But He didn’t.

Instead He told me to choose…

What?!

The more I thought and prayed about it the more I felt God saying it was up to me what path I took.

A friend suggested that while God may have a “final destination” in His plan for me, I could take any number of routes to get there, more like the second picture and Isaiah 30v21 (NIV):

“Whether you turn to the right or the left,

Your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,

‘This is the way.

Walk in it.”

 

It’s a few years down the line now, and I find myself in a similar position, although, somehow, with a lot less certainty that I’ll work out where I want to go. It’s hard not to feel that this last year I’ve been on a wrong path, as things haven’t really turned out the way I expected. But nothing in God’s kingdom is wasted and I know at the very least I’ve learnt a lot about myself and how to rely on God more.

Yet, it has been so comforting to come across these pictures and those passages again.  I know that I am on a journey and that wherever I am going, God is not only going with me, but He is already preparing the way ahead of me.

a new day, a new blog…

For the past couple of years I have been dabbling with blogging and recently, encouraged by my fellow dreamers, I have started to take this more seriously and start to see myself as a writer. With this in mind I thought it was high time I tried to get a bit more professional about it – hence the new blog name, with it’s own twitter feed and Facebook page.

The title, May I Be the Moon, is from a poem  wrote a few years ago. I was thinking about how the moon shines so brightly every night but it is not its own light, but reflected light of the sun that we see. I realised that this is what I want in my life – that when people they would not see me but see God in my life.

In my writing I try to balance my life and my faith, I try to see the world through what I’m reading in the Bible. My poetry is often born out of a place of confusion finding its way to resolution as I work out what God is speaking to me.

Over the next few months I will be transferring some of the posts from my old blog but also writing lots of new material.

If you like what I write, please let me know!

May I Be the Moon

I used to want

To be the sun

Glorious and beautiful

With all eyes

Looking to me for light

The centre of my own private galaxy

But that is something that I cannot be

The world does not revolve around me

After all, what am I?

A random clump of dust and dirt

Tumbling through open space

Lost in darkness

Until I found the light

Of the One True Sun

Truly glorious and beautiful

So now I pray and dream

Of being the moon

My face forever turned

Towards the Sun

Seeking only His light

And content to reflect

For I have no light of my own

But the moon in its humilty

Has a great calling too

To those lost in the darkest night

Where they cannot yet see the Sun

May I be the moon

Shining in the darkness

Always reflecting

Guiding them onwards

Helping them to find their way

Out of the night

Into the bright new day

Where they can see and enjoy

Bask in the glorious light

And dwell forever

In the warmth

Of the presence

Of the One True Son