In February we had a poetry workshop at college. I wrote the poem I shared at that time for my Nan – Finding Meaning – on that day, but I also created this piece of found poetry from the book I was reading at the time, Unspoken by Guvna B. (Click on the image to enlarge it!)
Everyone knows
there are five stages of grief
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
But what I now know
is that it is not a linear path
Yesterday, I knew she was gone
Today it does not quite feel real again
Some days, I can laugh and find joy
Others, sadness wraps around me
Like a blanket
Somehow comforting
And I sit
I do not want to move
Because a world without her
seems less bright somehow
I’ve heard there is a sixth stage
“Finding Meaning”
I know I’m not there yet
Because how do we find meaning in this?
The weight of all the world has lost
Seems too heavy to bear
The numbers ticking ever upward
and she is not just a statistic -
The lives
The jobs
The hopes and dreams
Is there?
Can there be?
Can we find meaning in such dark times?
I don’t want to trivialise
my pain
or anyone else’s
with trite phrases
But I do know
I am not alone
I do somehow have hope
Despite everything that’s lost
I will not be overcome
The other week I shared a poem I had written whilst on a retreat/conference in France. I have lots of other takeaways I want to write about following on from that conference, but for now I want to unpack the imagery that helped to create that poem.
The conference was called Blesstival, and was a gathering of friends of a wonderful charity called The Bless Network, or Bless. Many years ago when I was an undergrad studying French at university, I interned through Bless at a French church. Since then I had not been greatly involved with the charity, I would read the newsletters and think to myself: It’s been a while, I really should sign up to one of their events. This time I stopped thinking about it and booked myself on. I am so glad I did.
The theme for the weekend was “un chant s’élève” – a song is rising – and the teaching was all around the ideas of worship and prophecy, how God sings over us and gives each of us a message to share with the world. At the end of Saturday morning’s session, one of the organisers, Chrissie, came over to me and said she had been given a picture for me of God sewing together the tapestry of my life, and sewing bright sequins into the work. After this session I spent some time in the prayer room reflecting on this picture, and others that had been given to me over recent years. A yearning was rising up inside of me to write again, something I have loved over the years but keep putting on the back burner, making excuses about not having the time or the head space. I was listening to an IHOP worship album on my phone while doodling, and I jotted down some lines from one of the songs that jumped out at me:
Just put me anywhere
And put Your glory in me
I’ll serve anywhere
Just let me see Your beauty
(IHOPKC & Corey Asbury – All Is For Your Glory)
and then it the words just spilled out of me, inspired by the song and the picture I had been given.
But there are references within the poem to other pictures, words and images given to me over the years, that seemed to align with the new one.
I’ll start with perhaps the most obvious, to those who have been with this blog from the start…
When I was thinking about how sequins reflect light, it was easy to link in with the poem I wrote several years ago which inspired the name of this blog: May I Be the Moon. In that poem I thought about how it is better to reflect the glory of God, as the moon reflects the sun, than to believe the world revolves around me.
Similarly, I wanted to include the image of the mirrorball, which again reflects the light around it. Back in the days of my Bless Internship, one of their conferences had the theme of ‘Mission as a mirrorball’. The idea here was that by serving others in the name of God, we are drawing His light in and reflecting it back out onto those He made and loves, just like a mirrorball. The moon, the mirrorball and the sequins all unite around this idea of reflecting the glory of God in our lives.
Next, the arrow. While in this poem it represents a kind of road sign pointing the way, it also for me has connotations of the arrows used in archery. These have to be pulled back before they can be released into flight. The work of weaving our lives together includes pain and setbacks, bad times as well as good. But in all things He works together for our good. The setbacks we face will ultimately lead to greater freedoms. (A no now means there is a better yes to come). Likewise in the work of the weaving, we will not see the full picture until it is completed and all the colours are sewn in.
Finally, the phrase ‘see what I am building in your life’. A few years ago I was on the way home from an evening service at church. We had visiting speakers who I knew had a gift for the prophetic, and I was hoping for some insight into a situation I was facing. I was disappointed not to have received any words during the service, but my route home took my past a building site with a massive crane standing tall over it. The building was still in its early stages but you could already begin to see the shape it would take, and the size of the crane bore witness to the eventual height of the construction. In that moment I heard God’s whisper ‘see, what I am building in your life’.
The construction of my calling, my learning, my relationships, was (and is) still in its early stages, but the process of constructing the building, the process of weaving the tapestry, points to the genius and majesty of the creator as much as the finished product ever will.
Last week I said that ‘Hibernation’ was the first new poem I had written in a long time – but I made a mistake. I forgot about this one, but it is a different kind of poem…
In the autumn of last year I joined a short-lived writing group, and one week we had to bring a random item and write a poem inspired by it. One of my colleagues had just returned from a holiday to Barcelona, and brought back souvenirs for everyone in the office. I was given the fan pictured below, and that was the item I took. I was thinking what if, instead of a colleague giving it to a co-worker, a boyfriend had bought a similar item for a girlfriend. Anyway, enough explaining, I hope you enjoy…
the stain of my sin marring what once was pure, and I am ashamed.
But then I hear Your whisper
telling me I have nothing to fear
You raise me to my feet
and clothe me in white
making me clean
blood red washing me white as snow
and Your voice
“I am the beginning and the end
the Living one who died
See I have saved you
redeemed you
made you mine
made you new.”
So now with the Saints I sing
of the One who has saved me
I sing of the salvation He has won
the great things He has done
The Holy Holy Holy LORD God Almighty
who always was
and always is
and always will be
I wrote this poem back in 2012, partly inspired by Revelation Song by Jesus Culture (below). It’s been on my mind recently and I was surprised to realised I’d never shared it on this blog.
This is a poem I wrote on Sunday 4th December, 2010, after an amazing evening at church where some pretty exciting things happened. I’ve moved on from that particular church now, and but I love rereading this poem and remembering all the amazing things that God has done in my life.
Recently I’ve been studying the Exodus and certain aspects of the Law given to the Israelites at the dawn of their nation. I used to get really frustrated at the Israelites and how quickly they forgot what God had done for them in bringing them out of Egypt. Throughout the Law books in the Bible, one phrase is repeated over and over: ‘I am the LORD your God who brought you out of Egypt’ – the Israelites are meant to keep the Law as an appropriate response to what God has done for them.
I say I used to get frustrated, because one day I realised I do the same thing – we so easily forget the good things that happen in our lives as soon as the next crisis comes along. This is why testimony is so important – sharing what God has done is encouragement to others and keeps it more firmly in our memories.
This was an instruction to the Israelites too. One of my favourite brief passages in the Old Testament law texts is this section from Deuteronomy (6v4-9): ‘“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.’
So find ways to remember what God has done for you. Write it down, tell a friend. Keep His words and promises at the forefront of your mind by leaving yourself notes, putting up posters, setting a reminder on your phone… If you have other suggestions please comment!
It is so important to keep reminding ourselves of all that God has done for us, to keep us trusting when the tougher times comes, and to keep us celebrating His love for us. The God we serve is awesome indeed.
Recently, I’ve been following the story of a beautiful baby girl called Tori and her parents, Brennan and Lesa Brackbill. Tori has been diagnosed with Krabbe disease, which is terminal – but people all around the world are praying that God would heal her and strengthen her family at this time.
A few days ago I was rereading some of my old poems, and I came across this one. It seemed so pertinent to their situation that today I am dedicating it to Tori and her parents