as fast as he can…

I found myself facing disappointment recently. Something that I’d been hoping and praying for, something that I felt God was calling me into, didn’t come to fruition, and I was left feeling bereft. I told myself that it was just God closing a door, but I had this nagging voice in my head telling me that it was because there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough. I kept trying to take my disappointment and diminishing confidence to God, but I was finding it hard to let go of the situation. I needed reassurance. And then I had a dream.

The Bible gives many examples of God speaking to people through dreams, the most famous probably being the two Josephs (in the Old Testament, the son of Jacob sees in a dream that his older brothers will bow to him, and is given a position of great power and responsibility in Egypt after God enables him to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams concerning a famine to come; New Testament Joseph marries Mary after an angel tells him in a dream that she wasn’t unfaithful to him, but that her child is God’s Son, and the Saviour of the world). It is something that I have experienced a few times myself. Not all my dreams have hidden meaning, some of them are completely ridiculous, but as I tend to remember a lot of my dreams and reflect on them, I often find God’s quiet whisper in them. This one, I knew as soon as I woke up that God was telling me something.

This dream was about my wedding, at least, what my wedding could be. Things weren’t quite as I myself would have picked them, but I knew it was very much about us as a couple – there was music, good food, and lots of cake.

The weird thing was, the man I was marrying seemed to change, he was someone different at different points in the dream. As the dream continued, I realised that my new husband and I had been separated by the crowds of our family and friends. I wasn’t sure where he was, but I wasn’t worried until the time came for us to leave the venue. I went looking for him, and found him waiting by the car. I said, ‘I’ve been looking for you’ and he said ‘I was waiting here for you, but that doesn’t matter, we’re together now’.

At the moment I am faced with various choices about my future that could lead me down different paths. I’ve written in the past about how I don’t believe God necessarily has a fixed plan for each of our lives, as that doesn’t account for the choices we or others make. Sometimes He does clearly open or close doors, as I experienced recently, but mostly I believe He provides us with opportunities and lets us choose which to take, how to serve Him.

The changing husband in my dream was telling me that whichever path I choose, God will be faithful to the promises that He has made to me, to give me a place and a purpose, and the home and family that I so desire, but that that will look different depending on which way I go. The conversation between myself and my husband in the dream reminded me that while I and the man I will end up marrying are currently in a period of searching and waiting, we will be brought together in the right time, God’s time.

One of my favourite sitcoms to watch when I need a boost is How I Met Your Mother. I really relate to the central character, Ted, who is a hopeless romantic trying to make sense of his life, when it seems that everyone around him already has everything figured out. At the end of season four, Ted has a conversation with a woman he thought he was going to marry, who left him for someone else. He tells her that he is impatient to find what she has, and she tells him that the woman he is waiting for is coming ‘as fast as she can’.

I was thinking about this as I reflected on my dream, and remembered that God’s notion of time is quite different to ours. In his second letter, Peter reassures his readers: ‘Dear friends, don’t forget that for the Lord one day is the same as a thousand years, and a thousand years is the same as one day. The Lord isn’t slow about keeping his promises, as some people think he is.’ (2 Peter 3:8-9a, CEV). In the book of Habakkuk in the Old Testament, a similar promise is made:

At the time I have decided,

my words will come true.

You can trust what I say

about the future.

It may take a long time,

but keep on waiting—

it will happen!

(Habakkuk 2:3, CEV).

 

If, like me, you have recently experienced disappointment, remember that in all things God is working for your good, and He won’t say no unless there is a better yes to come. And if you are feeling impatient, remember that He always keeps his promises and brings them to fruition in His perfect timing.

As if I needed further reassurance of this, and let’s face it, I probably did, I have seen two rainbows today. The first was this morning as I was driving and trying to decide whether or not to pursue a certain opportunity. The sun was shining, but out of nowhere it started to rain. I looked up and there, for the briefest of moments, was a perfect rainbow. It was there and then it was gone. But I knew then that God was with me, whatever I decide.

 

The second was this afternoon, as I was writing this:

2016-10-16-16-52-22

Advertisements

30by30 number 19 – Climbing Winchester Cathedral Tower

So last week I wrote about my idea of listing 30 things I wanted to do by the time I turn thirty next autumn, and today I’m excited to tell you about the first thing I’ve ticked off the list. I feel the need, however, to reassure those who may have been concerned about me – I’m not actually having a quarter-life crisis, and I’m not at all disappointed in the way my life has turned out so far, and I’m not upset that I’m not married and don’t have kids yet. I know those things are in my future and I know that they will be worth the wait. I trust in God’s timing, and my faith is probably the strongest it has ever been right now.

The nature of reaching significant age milestones means that people do stop and take stock of their life. I get the same nearly every New Years and whenever someone younger than me achieves something newsworthy like releasing a number 1 album or winning a sports tournament. It doesn’t mean that I wish I had won a sports tournament, it just makes me stop and reflect on whether my life is on a good course. When I started thinking about turning thirty next year, I realised that a lot of the things that I thought I would have done by then, like getting married, haven’t happened. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with my life, but I still want to celebrate turning thirty, not to be scared of it.

Hopefully as we go through the year, you will see from some of the challenges on the list that this is really an excuse to have fun, and make sure I enjoy my final year of my twenties. I’ve just about finalised the list, and it’s quite a mix of things, so I hope you enjoy reading about them as much as I will enjoy doing them. I should also explain that I’m not attempting the items in any particular order, they are listed in the order I thought of them, which is why the first one I’ve done is number 19 on the list…

*****************

Climbing Winchester Cathedral Tower

One of the perks of working for a local council is that you sometimes get to do fun excursions within the city to learn about its history and tell everyone how awesome a place it is. I was given such an opportunity last week. I was born in Winchester and have lived near it most of my life, and I have been working there for the last two years. I eat my lunch outside the Cathedral nearly everyday, so I jumped at the chance to go up to the top of the Cathedral tower and learn a bit more about its history and that of the city.

There were several sets of very narrow winding staircases, with a total of 213 steps, so my legs were very sore by the end of it. But it was so worth it for the view from the top! I also learnt lots of fun facts…

For example, the last time the cathedral bells were recast was in 1936. The tradition is that the name of the reigning monarch is carved on the inside of the tenor bell (the biggest of the bells) when the bells are recast, which in 1936 was Edward VIII. By the time the bells were returned to the cathedral, however, he had abdicated. The workmen who were putting the bells back into their places decided that they did not want the abdicator’s name on their bell, so they got out their chisels and crossed out Edward VIII, carving ‘Now George VI’ (in Latin) instead.

So, if you are ever in Winchester, the cathedral is a great place to visit and the staff and volunteers are very knowledgeable about the history of the city. If you are in good health and aren’t claustrophobic or afraid of heights, a trip to the top of the tower is definitely recommended.

Here are a few photos:

(the chair is a memorial to those who would sit inside the roof of the cathedral to watch for bombs during WWII)

30by30 – a new personal challenge

I turned 29 last Monday. My second realisation of the day (the first being that I’d booked leave so I didn’t have to go to work) was that it was now only a year until my 30th birthday. This stopped me short, momentarily, because if you’d asked me when I was twenty what I thought my life would be like by the time I was thirty, this was not exactly what I had in mind. I expected I would be married with a couple of kids, settled into a career which I loved and probably either owning the place I lived (at least in part) or even living in a different country.

No, don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret where I am in my life or the decisions that brought me here. My life may not have gone as expected but it has been good so far. I have done some things that I probably wouldn’t have been able to do if I’d had the responsibility of kids, a house and a husband (i.e. quitting a job with nothing lined up, or funding myself through a Masters).

But realising that at least some of what I had imagined for 30-year-old me wasn’t going to come true (although, I guess, theoretically I do still have time to get married by my 30th birthday if there are any offers 😉) I decided I could be proactive. There are many things that I want to do that I haven’t got around to doing yet, so I am drafting a list of 30 things I want to have done by my 30th birthday (or soon after, as one of them is finishing my Masters and my dissertation due date is about two weeks after my birthday).

I will take photos when I accomplish each item and write a short post about each. I’m giving myself about a month to finalise the list, and there are a couple of gaps so if you have suggestions, please let me know! You can comment below, tweet me or post on my Facebook page – everything is called mayibethemoon… Also, let me know if you have ever tried a similar challenge, and how you got on!

I’ve already ticked one thing off on the list, but I think I will leave that for another post…